Left in the Snow
by xLawlietx
Summary: I knew he didn't feel the same way about me, I knew I had never stood a chance, I knew that it would all play out this way. Loving Craig was futile from the beginning. But it still hurt like nothing else. One sided Cryde oneshot


"I love you alright?!" I burst out, but when I look back at his expression I almost want to take it back. My feelings are out there now though, spiralling through the softly falling snow and there's no denying that he's heard them. He just sits there in front of me on the same chipped wall we used to always hang out at when we were kids and looks at me blankly, blue eyes unmoving and frozen.

I can feel the adrenaline rushing through me and feel my face burning shades of red despite the arctic wind blowing against it. I can't bring myself to look into those eyes for another second and my own plain brown ones fixate down on my scuffed shoes, half submerged in the powdery icy whiteness of winter that trickles in through the laces and soaks my socks.

"Say something dammit," I say, my breath causing steam clouds to wrap around each word. I barely notice my hands curling into tight fists by my side. He still stays so infuriatingly quiet, can't he see that I need to hear his voice now more than ever? "Say something!" I yell louder, desperation evident in each syllable.

I hear him sigh, it's near impossible to read into but sounds dishearteningly bored. His hands idly tug on the loose threads of his ripped jeans. "I don't like you that way Clyde," Craig replies with a tone that's so emotionless, so cold that it just makes the rejection feel even sharper against my heart. A pause follows while the floor seems to drop out beneath me, my soul feels like its falling down to the bottom of the Mariana's trench, and I half wish it did because it would mean I could die and not have to be in this situation any longer and face the truth.

"I know," I finally whisper as tears begin stinging at my eyes and it's a horrible feeling to know that those words ring equally as true as his. I knew he didn't feel the same way about me, I knew I had never stood a chance, I knew that it would all play out this way. Loving Craig was futile from the beginning. But it still hurt like a bitch. "I- I know."

We both sink into a stillness which seems to make my thoughts scream in my head. It feels like it will go on forever before he finally breaks it. "Then why bother telling me?" he's blunt and merciless and though that's nothing new, though that's just how Craig is and always has been, in this moment I wish he would just once be a little more forgiving.

But then again, if he had been a little more forgiving from the beginning I may have never fallen for him. Maybe we'd never have ended up here; with me having dragged my best friend to the park we haven't been to in years in the freezing cold to confess. I wouldn't be risking our match-made-in-hell friendship that just a while ago I could've sworn would stand the test of time. I wouldn't be facing this inadequacy that was crushing me on the inside as I stood here as a shaking mess in front of him.

But I didn't care about 'what ifs' right now. I needed to be here, to tell him how I felt. Because despite the fact I knew I was doomed to this depressing fate before I could ever stand a chance, I needed to get these feelings I harboured out of my system for good. I needed to let whatever hope I held of a relationship with him die here in the snow, because they were beginning to become too heavy for me to bare. I want to express all of this to the boy with that same stupid blue chullo hat I gave him for his birthday when he grew out of the identical one he'd always worn since before I could remember, but the words don't seem to come.

I realize I'm crying now as I see salty tears drip from my face onto the ground, melting little holes in the snow as they make contact. I quickly try rid my cheeks of them but they've already stained my skin with their wetness and freeze on my face; the pathetic wiping just serves to create a large damp patch on the sleeve of my jacket.

"You're a great guy y'know," his voice suddenly echoes through the silence, slightly startling me. But he continues, "Strong, brave, it takes guts to do this,"

I lift my head back up to eye level and lock gazes with his. But as I look into his sombre cobalt-and-grey infused irises I see more than just his usual indifference that has always stared back before. Now I see something deeper, something sad. He almost looks remorseful and pained at having to do this to me. Empathetic even.

But it vanishes within seconds and they're back to reflecting that same practised steely glazed over stare that I know so well.

"I better get home, my folks will be wondering where I am," Craig pushes himself off of the wall and stands up, his height making him tower over me by a good 6 inches. He's looking over my head now, his turn to avoid eye contact.

"Text me later?" I find myself choking out, but he doesn't seem to hear as he gathers his stuff and slings his torn bag over his back. Without looking back he begins walking away tossing a half-hearted wave over his shoulder, his worn out boots crunching on the snow as he departs. I watch him as he vanishes out of sight and I'm suddenly aware of how alone I am as I stand here in the centre of the deserted park. Right beside the wall that holds so many forgotten memories of ours.

My fingers trail over the cracked cemented bricks as I attempt to process what has just happened between us. Craig. What does he think of me now? And what will happen with us now? The gravity of it all sets in and my vision blurs as I picture what will happen tomorrow at school. I see him acting like this meeting never happened and he laughs with our group of friends and I during lunch at something stupid someone said like always. Or maybe he'll tell everyone what I've said and they'll all know what a loser I am, even if they don't mean to judge me they won't be able to stop their eyes from trailing over me as they remember what Craig divulged.

Or maybe he'll ignore me. I think that's the worst scenario of all. I hated that I loved him, but I still wanted him in my life even if it would hurt me every time I saw him or whenever he spoke to me. Because if he blocked me out than I wouldn't know what to do, I'd be lost and I'd know it was all my fault. I would have ruined my friendship with the best person in the world due to my selfishness and I would never forgive myself for that.

Whatever would happen, I took an odd sense of comfort in the fact that Craig now knew I liked him. I didn't have to hide it anymore. And maybe, just maybe, in time I would heal from this heartache. Maybe I'd confess again to someone else, and maybe it wouldn't be unrequited.

Craig didn't feel the same way for me but I'll get over it eventually I hope. And maybe next time I fall in love with someone, they'll fall for me too.

I shove my hands into my pockets and make my way back home. Alone.

**AN: I'm sorry Clyde! ;_; I myself have been through rejection and it really does suck so hugs to anyone who has ever gone through it. Cryde is one of those underdog pairings I really like, so I don't really know what to make of this... but I really wanted to try and capture the emotions in this. Was I successful? Leave your thoughts :3 **


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